It makes me feel sad when I hear well-meaning but largely uninformed people make sweeping generalizations and broad statements about how daycare kids are neglected by their parents, or unable to bond to their Mothers, or robbed of the necessary love and attention needed to for a beneficial start to life. I marvel at the confidence with which some people assert that Mothers who work outside the home are willfully sacrificing the well being of their little ones for the personal satisfaction that comes from pursuing a career. And I'm surprised with how many times my stay-at-home-friends will tell me that "so-and-so" obviously doesn't really care about their family, because look how they just "shove their kids into a daycare."
The cries of "unfit!" and "selfish" are easily heard above the quiet, exceedingly busy, unrelenting sacrifice we who work outside the home are making on a daily basis in order to provide our children with the best life we possibly can, as we follow our own convictions that it takes a metaphorical village to raise a child and that when we enlist of the help of well-trained, caring, kind professionals to help us with the childcare, we are acting in what we truly believe is the best interest in our children.
We who work outside the home do the same tasks as those stay-at-homes who so easily claim the title of "working mom" for themselves, because indeed, all moms are working. We cook for our families, clean our homes, do our laundry, grocery shop, buy and mend clothes - we just do it all in addition to the job we hold outside the home.
We also, by the way, read to our children. We engage in countless conversations with them, both lighthearted and meaningful. We drive them to swimming lessons, dance, soccer practice, Sunday School. We teach them about God, pray with them, hug them, kiss them, play with them, laugh with them, and demonstrate that we love them - just as thoroughly as the stay-at-homes.
While we who work outside the home are working at an additional job, many hardworking stay-at-homes are also working - cleaning, shopping, cooking, mending. They are not always pouring into the lives of their little ones as some people would have you believe - they have other work that needs to get done. And I admit, that time is well spent. Many of their homes are cleaner than mine will ever be. They don't run out of milk. Their meals taste better and their cookies are home-baked. They may even get enough sleep at night. But their children are not, let me assure you, better loved than mine. They are not more attended to, not happier, not better taught. In fact, some are less so.
My time in the evenings with my children is precious in a way that some people can't comprehend. I dont' join ladies Bible studies, don't "escape" to retreats, don't go out nightly or even weekly "with the girls". I work all the time; while I'm outside the home, entrusting the care of my precious little ones to the capable hands of others, and while I'm home with them, blessed with the opportunity to pour love and attention into their lives. While I am part of a community group, and I sometimes go out on a date with my husband or make an effort to try and see my own friends every once and a while, I don't take "time", need a "break" enjoy "getting away". I miss my children every second while I'm at work or out, but glad they are getting the love and affection they are from those I have chosen to care for them, and when I am home, I am doing all the Mothering in the world. The other stuff - the cooking, the cleaning, the shopping - it gets done, eventually. While the kids are in bed, or on the weekends with the kids along. But it's not a priority, and I don't mind having a messy house in exchange for a full life.
When I really think about the blind accusations and incorrect assumptions made about double-working Moms, to be honest, I think I can sometimes even get a little resentful. My Mom worked outside of the home my entire life. And let me assure you, I am as "well-developed", "well-loved", "self-confident" as any of my home-stayed peers and friends. I'd challenge any of them to show me how their Mother did a better job of raising them than mine did. My mother is my role model and my friend - and she has always been.
I respect and admire stay-at-home Mothers. They've followed their convictions. But I think it's funny how people assume that staying at home is the greater sacrifice. Let me tell you, it is not. It is difficult to trust the care of our children to another, difficult to work out of the home AND at the home (as we double-working mothers do), difficult to ignore the the silly statements insisting that I should join this club or that in order to "take a break". Difficult also to hear stay-at-homes make the statement "oh, you have holiday time? Must be nice to get all that time off!" - when in reality, the time I'm taking "off" is exactly what they do every day (not time off at all - simply time at home).
I love what I do. I love my job, my students, my work. But I love my children even more, which is why I do what I do. It's your right to disagree, but you'd be wrong. And that's that. :)
No comments:
Post a Comment